Spaghetti and Meatballs

When Connor was little, we’d play the “I love you more” game.  We’d go back and forth endlessly until one day after he said, “no, I love you more”, I said, “spaghetti and meatballs”.  He looked at me and broke out in a fit of laughs.  The game then became who could come up with the most creative food that would make the other one feel like they were loved more.  But, most importantly, we had so much fun laughing at the weird food concoctions the other would come up with.

As Connor got older, I would still say “spaghetti and meatballs” to him so he knew that there was no way he could love me more than I loved him.   I would write it in every birthday and holiday card I gave him.  I would sometimes text it to him to let him know I was thinking of him.   In fact, the last card I gave him was for Valentine’s Day and it’s written big and bold for him to see.  And, he’d always give his beautiful smile when he’d read it. 

After Connor died, I believe I received several signs from him. Some may say that’s silly, but let me tell you….when you lose someone you love more than life itself, you hang on to EVERY SINGLE thing you can to try and stay connected to them.   

Following his passing, we had wonderful friends and co-workers who were kind enough to set up a food train that lasted nearly a month.   One of the first deliveries we received was from an Italian restaurant and, you guessed it, spaghetti and meatballs.  I broke down in tears, smiled, rolled my eyes, laughed and then cried some more.  That was the only spaghetti and meatballs delivery we received.   And what a trump card to send that to me from Heaven so I can’t say it back until I see him again.  ∞