His Happy Place

I was able to download all of Connor’s photos from his Snapchat account (no, they do not actually disappear) and this photo stopped me in my tracks.  Not only does he look very happy with his beautiful smile that could light up a room, but he’s at the beach, which he so loved.  It really was his happy place.  We used to go to the beach all the time as he was growing up.   He loved building sandcastles, playing beach volleyball and “chilling”.  We’d walk up and down the beach and talk about everything and nothing. 

One time we went to West Palm Beach for a mini vacation.  Our room wasn’t ready so we walked down to the ocean.  He was about 14 at the time.  I thought I’d be slick and push him in the water.  Well, I underestimated how strong he’d gotten and had to bring my A-game as we tousled in the water trying to dunk each other.  Of course, I ended up soaking wet, but we laughed so hard! 

He loved sunsets, especially beach ones.  We’d watch until the sun disappeared and talk about how beautiful the colors were and how they touched all parts of the sky.  We’d call them God’s masterpieces.

I’ve made this photo my phone screensaver as a reminder to – despite this awful, relentless pain – to try and find joy in the little things, like a sunset.   I want to believe that every beautiful sunset I see is him sending it to me to enjoy until we can watch them again together. ∞