Heartbroken Valentine's Day

The second to last time I saw Connor was the day after Valentine’s Day 2024.  He came to the house to work on an English paper and to get his Valentine’s card and chocolates that he loved so much. 

I still have the Ring camera videos of that visit, but I haven’t been able to watch them all.  I tried once and ended up in a puddle of tears because the video I chose was of him giving me one of his famous hugs. 

After he died, I found the Valentine’s Day card in the backseat of his car.  It was in his backpack where he put it that day standing in the kitchen after he read it, smiled and said, “thank you”.  The candy was gone, of course, as he never waited long to eat it.  I saved the card and have it with many of his other belongings because I can’t bear to part with it as it’s one of the last memories I have of him alive.

This year, I found myself in the card aisle at Target picking out Valentine’s Day cards.  As I picked one out for my mom, husband and younger son, it hit me hard (really hard) that I wasn’t picking one out for Connor.  My first Valentine’s without him - the one who showed me what true love really was.   Ugh.  This sucks!!  

I did buy chocolates, though, as I know he would want me to have the caramel one he knew I loved that he never liked.    ∞