A Mother's Day Unlike Any Other

Mother’s Day is supposed to be the day your children celebrate you and show you their appreciation.  I always enjoyed this special day because my boys wouldn’t argue, they’d do the dishes and would get me the most thoughtful cards.  This one, naturally, was very different.   The anxiety I felt leading up to this day was intense.  I wasn’t looking forward to it at all.  I kept thinking about how I would get through this day without the one who first made me a mom. 

 When the day finally arrived, I did not leave the house and I did not go on social media because I couldn’t bear to see happy moms celebrating with ALL of their kids.  The ones who had no idea what it was like to lose a child.  Instead, I read, sat outside and watched a movie with Ryan and my mom.   Scott made steak for dinner, which was my request to honor Connor as that was his favorite.  

Ryan was incredibly kind and thoughtful getting me two cards.  On the envelope, one said “To Mom, Love Ryan” and the other said “To Mom, Love Connor”.   I was impressed with his thoughtfulness to make sure Connor was still part of my Mother’s Day.   My mother also gave me a handwritten letter that I couldn’t bring myself to read for a few days.  She told me that I would always be a mom to two boys no matter what.  She’s right. 

Scott got me a cardinal bird feeder.  They say cardinals are symbolic of positivity amidst the troubles we experience in our life and there’s a quote that says, “Cardinals appear when angels are near”.   So,

when I sit out back now, I see the beautiful and colorful birds and think of Connor.

The reality was that the anxiety leading up to the day was worse than the day itself.  The day wasn’t great, but it wasn’t as bad as I anticipated it would be. I had 19 wonderful Mother’s Days with Connor and I was able to honor him with my memories, a delicious steak dinner, a beautiful reminder letter from my mom and a thoughtful card from my other beautiful son.  I have to remember to be thankful for the new memories in my life as well as the old ones too. ∞